The Wizard of Oz

Written In The Stars..

"I could barley breath, I couldn't move - I was trapped. I looked up at the stars and they didn't seem all that beautiful anymore. Maybe, this was written in the stars but I didn't read it in time. It seemed as though they were playing a trick on me, turning my world upside down.  With each twinkle it felt as though they were laughing at me - laughing at my foolishness and naivety. I kept looking back up at the stars, the shimmering silver dots scattered across the sky that sparkled so bright now, looking for some sort of answer as to what had just happened but I got nothing in return. I begged, I tried to plead with the stars but  all I got in return was a hopelessly breathtaking sky that stared back down on me unable to provide me with a justified explanation for all of this. So, I just lay there slowly letting the darkness consume me as the stars faded to black - waiting, watching helplessly..."

Jim Morrison once said..

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

Addiction.

Addictions: How do they start? Well, quiet simply by you thinking that you are in control, that it's just a bit of fun, something that can numb the pain or help you escape just for a while and of course, that you can stop whenever you want. Eventually though, you're no longer the one in control, in fact, you are being completely dominated by an inanimate object. It becomes your everything - your friend, your lover, your confidante, your refuge and your ultimate comfort. Logic and reason are two words that no longer seem to exist in your dictionary, and if they do, they have no meaning what so ever. 

An addiction is very similar to having a secret love affair, well at first anyways. You know what you are doing is wrong and that it's self destructive but you can't help yourself - you can't walk away from the incredible high and this beautiful world you've created. You keep going back for more, spiraling further out of control at the speed of light but you refuse to believe that you are no longer the one in control. You are so drunk of the 'love' it gives you, you loose sight of everything. You use denial as the sole tool to justify your actions. You tell yourself the reason that you're keeping this a secret from the world is because they won't understand, because they don't know what it feels like, how could they? The only 'person' who could possibly ever have an understanding of what you are experiencing is you and what you are addicted too. Yep, that's right - because you're the only person who has ever been through this right?

Eventually though, this secret love affair you have involved yourself in starts to give away. It gets harder to keep up appearances and you loose yourself in your lies. Your so called 'lover' betrays you and your secret comes to light but now, you're too far gone. You feel cheated and most of so incredibly stupid for putting all your trust and faith in this because when you could stop you didn't want too, and now when you do, you can't. 

So what do you do? Scream for help! You can't do it on your own because your mind is no longer in control, the only thing it wants is an escape and your body, its too weak - it needs its fix. You're not going to want to ask for help because what difference would it make now that you're so far gone? If anything, at least you are somewhat numb and anyways, you're in too deep so who could possibly save you? Or even want too after all the lies and deceit? Even if you want to be saved you try and find a reason to justify why you shouldn't be, but everybody deserves to be saved. We all make mistakes, we all walk into situations we don't know how to handle, you're not the only one and once you do pluck up the courage to ask for help, you'll realize that. You will realize you are worth something. It may not necessarily make it easier to take the help that is being offered to you because you're not thinking clearly but since you're already not in control, let somebody, a real person who cares about you take control now. In doing so, at some point you will want to walk away because taking helping means that YOU are the one now betraying this relationship. In your eyes, just because your addiction betrayed you doesn't mean you should betray it too right? Then again, in reality, you were betrayed the first moment you gave into this drug - it was never loyal to you, and this secret 'love affair' you had consisted of no love. You were simply a slave drowning in an all consuming passion.

So stop fighting, because an addiction isn't easy to beat. It is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do - it will test you in every way possible and exhaust you to the core until you don't want to fight it anymore. Don't give up though, because there is hope for each and every one of us, even the lost and hopeless souls. If you're smart though, you'll never get involved in this type of secret 'love affair' that I got my self into, not once, but many times. This world is full of temptations, and most of them are not good. So the two words I mentioned before: reason and logic - always keep them in mind. Save yourself before somebody else needs too. I sure as hell wish I'd had that choice the first time around and as for the rest, I just wish I could a second chance.