That over-whelming feeling of sadness washed over me for the millionth time as I lay on my balcony enjoying the heat from the sun and the music blaring in my headphones. I took the joint I had rolled and decided to light up - it wasn't until the last puff did I start to feel that familiar sensation spreading through my body, washing away the sadness. There was a new calm in the air now, just for a moment, my heart wasn't aching for my whole life to change.. or end. For once, all I wanted to do was live in the moment and enjoy every second of it. As the sun shined brighter, I lay back, closed my eyes and turned the music up. I wanted to get lost in the music, and I was well on my way. I was only experiencing a slight buzz, but that was exactly what I needed and it was perfect. Suddenly, everything that was bothering me before didn't matter. Life seemed beautiful - all my senses were heightened and I was able to soak in all the beauty around me. It smelt like summer now, and the sun felt glorious on my skin and as I opened my eyes, I was blinded by the brightness. I realized that life had so much to offer and this realization made me feel euphoric. There was hope after all. I wanted this moment to last forever, and in a sense it did. The sadness came back, but my epiphany about life stayed. That day, sitting in the sun I realized I did have something to live for, so instead of trying to end it and failing again and again, why don't I give living a shot? And so I did, and i'm still trying and it's hard but it's worth it. I'm finally fighting for the right thing, so maybe getting stoned to escape isn't that bad after all - sometimes, it does actually work out for the better.
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